Someone You Don’t Know
1234 Losing Count
Judgement Town, Earth
December 1, 2014
1133 Listening St.
Freedom, Utopia 22444
You have stumbled upon a letter. This letter is dedicated to everyone willing to read it. I’ve spent my life told to express myself. I’ve grown up told to never hold in your bad feelings, because they tend to manifest in horrid ways; in your health, in your life, in your relationships. When you hold onto your feelings, it’s like swallowing poison. It might not make a difference the moment you swallow it, but it will harm you… and no one else.
However, it gets hard to let those feelings out… when you can’t really find someone to listen. It’s like an empty call to the wind. It’s like crying out, only to have your voice drowned out. You see people there, right there, close enough to touch and feel, but they don’t see what you’re trying to say. It’s not a particularly nice feeling. I believe that pain cannot be compared, but I have experienced that one of the worst pains is when someone stops listening, when someone stops noticing, when someone stops caring… I don’t know if it’s as bad as having had no one ever care in the first place, but it is hard when life constantly makes you be around that person. Every word, a hard tug at your heart, slowly ripping it open and exposing the soft, tender meat inside… only to have the bleeding ignored.
Life isn’t horrible. In fact, it’s pretty nice… I have no issue with life. I believe it is a blessing, even if I don’t see it at the time. Despite this, though, I have an issue with some people in my life. So many different feelings inside me, and none of them are able to come out. The first time I searched for sympathy, I was greeted with misunderstanding. The person I trusted most, the person I expected to support me, was the person to tell me that what I was feeling wasn’t accurate.
“That’s not you. You aren’t like this. I know you. You don’t know what you’re talking about, and you’re just confused. It’ll wear off.” Those were words that could be compared to what I was told. The one who had promised to always cherish me, no matter what, denied what I believed was part of my identity. They may not have realized it… but the moment they said my feelings weren’t true, they invalidated who I am. They told me that I wasn’t who or what I felt I was. They misunderstood my feelings. They didn’t understand, and that harmed me on a level so deep, that I bear a scar in the bottom of my heart since then.
I am now afraid of expressing myself. I am afraid to be myself around the people I love, in fear they will not really love me for who I am. If you do not understand someone—you don’t need to agree with them—but if you do not understand them… Can you truly say that you love them, no matter what?
Even if, when I had claimed my identity to be somewhat different than it used to be perceived, I had truly been confused… Shouldn’t someone support you, and let you realize that for yourself? Is it so wrong to support someone through their growth? Is it so sinful to approve of change, when the world is against it? Should we not embrace people for having the courage to question who they are, and what they believe in? Tell me, Person… Is it so wrong to question what others have told you? Haven’t the greatest thinkers of the world ventured to go beyond what they were told? What greater achievement is there than to truly be sure of your own identity?
Now, I write this letter to you. My heart is heavy. It is cut into smaller pieces with each passing day. There are moments when I think it is over, and I feel endlessly happy again, but then something reminds me that I am currently hiding under a cloak to conceal my true self. Then I find myself questioning my freedom of expression. So, Person, take what you will of this letter. I hope, for your own sake, that you are accepted and loved for who you are, all of you, not just some parts of you.
Slowly breaking down,
Someone You Don’t Know