Dearest, Strangers

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Dearest Strangers,

I thought for a while that we could be acquaintances or maybe even buddies since we see each other all the time. I guess I was wrong. I thought that we could eventually know each other and possibly become friends. I guess I was wrong.

I don’t understand what happened to make you think I meant harm.
I swear to protect all those around me even if they’ve done me wrong.
My soul lives by the motto “treat others as you want to be treated,”
so how in the world did I come off as someone who “knew it all”?

Where did I go wrong? This is extremely ironic. I live my life by kindness, transparency, and truth, yet somehow I came off as a person who lied to you?

How was it that my words became so twisted in the air? How did “I can help” translate to “I am better”? All I try to do is make things easier for all; if I struggled, I do my best to make sure others won’t fall.

It really hurts to think that’s what you see in me. To think I wanted your best and you’d prefer I just leave. Somehow I was labeled with an inflated sense of worth. This term called “arrogance” was actually a first. I’ve been called manipulative, satanic, and a jerk, some of those surprised me but all of them hurt. Yes, I can be manipulative at times. My beliefs have nothing to do with Satan. A jerk? Maybe when I’m cornered, since the only times I bite is when my bark is ignored.

I want to be kind, caring, and understanding. I’ve always wanted to be that shoulder someone can lean on when they’re standing. I don’t ever judge, I don’t gossip, I don’t fuss. If I ever did any of those, I’d keep it to myself. See, strangers, you’d be surprised with all the things I know. I have secrets of years from others and some of my own. I’ve never once shared to ears that were not welcome. To my friends, I make sure my words to one won’t harm another. This is where my manipulative nature comes to play. It’s where I play every scenario that can go wrong in my head, and if I can’t avoid them I get permission for those involved.

My entire life I’ve spent putting others up high. I don’t say above me, since that would be a lie. I treated everyone as an equal, regardless of liking them or not. I only pulled away when I needed to recharge, but strangers… I don’t blame you if you got it wrong. I don’t help because I feel needed. I don’t help because I have to. I don’t help because I feel better and I don’t help to feel superior. I help because when I struggle, I want help someone else. I help because sometimes I get lost on my own. I help because I refuse to succeed if another will fail. I help because helping feels nice and seeing another person smile too.

So, dearest strangers, I’m quite sure you’ll never read this. These are parts of my heart, my mind, and my feelings. In reality I thought we were in this together, but since you don’t want help, I’ll just sit in the corner. I thought we could be acquaintances or maybe even buddies… but I guess I was wrong. I guess we’ll just be strangers stuck together for years to come.



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