We’ve Both Grown

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We’ve Both Grown since the last time we talked.
I feel that we would get along if we tried,
But the past is the past and what happened, happened.
I cannot suddenly become what I am not.

We both have a way with words, you inspired me with mine,
You spill your feelings onto pages, I pour my feelings into life.
Still, we were different, you were there, and I was not.
We could’ve been different friends, but not this time.

You are not a bad person, you are a kind soul.
You needed friends for comfort, I needed them for more,
I wanted a solution to my heavy burdens,
My venting was not victimizing, I didn’t want that role.

I wonder how your life is, if anything has changed.
I think about the stories that together we left behind.
I miss them, I really do, for those pages became real.
One day I’ll bring them back, at least that can be arranged.

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Dearest, Strangers

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Dearest Strangers,

I thought for a while that we could be acquaintances or maybe even buddies since we see each other all the time. I guess I was wrong. I thought that we could eventually know each other and possibly become friends. I guess I was wrong.

I don’t understand what happened to make you think I meant harm.
I swear to protect all those around me even if they’ve done me wrong.
My soul lives by the motto “treat others as you want to be treated,”
so how in the world did I come off as someone who “knew it all”?

Where did I go wrong? This is extremely ironic. I live my life by kindness, transparency, and truth, yet somehow I came off as a person who lied to you?

How was it that my words became so twisted in the air? How did “I can help” translate to “I am better”? All I try to do is make things easier for all; if I struggled, I do my best to make sure others won’t fall.

It really hurts to think that’s what you see in me. To think I wanted your best and you’d prefer I just leave. Somehow I was labeled with an inflated sense of worth. This term called “arrogance” was actually a first. I’ve been called manipulative, satanic, and a jerk, some of those surprised me but all of them hurt. Yes, I can be manipulative at times. My beliefs have nothing to do with Satan. A jerk? Maybe when I’m cornered, since the only times I bite is when my bark is ignored.

I want to be kind, caring, and understanding. I’ve always wanted to be that shoulder someone can lean on when they’re standing. I don’t ever judge, I don’t gossip, I don’t fuss. If I ever did any of those, I’d keep it to myself. See, strangers, you’d be surprised with all the things I know. I have secrets of years from others and some of my own. I’ve never once shared to ears that were not welcome. To my friends, I make sure my words to one won’t harm another. This is where my manipulative nature comes to play. It’s where I play every scenario that can go wrong in my head, and if I can’t avoid them I get permission for those involved.

My entire life I’ve spent putting others up high. I don’t say above me, since that would be a lie. I treated everyone as an equal, regardless of liking them or not. I only pulled away when I needed to recharge, but strangers… I don’t blame you if you got it wrong. I don’t help because I feel needed. I don’t help because I have to. I don’t help because I feel better and I don’t help to feel superior. I help because when I struggle, I want help someone else. I help because sometimes I get lost on my own. I help because I refuse to succeed if another will fail. I help because helping feels nice and seeing another person smile too.

So, dearest strangers, I’m quite sure you’ll never read this. These are parts of my heart, my mind, and my feelings. In reality I thought we were in this together, but since you don’t want help, I’ll just sit in the corner. I thought we could be acquaintances or maybe even buddies… but I guess I was wrong. I guess we’ll just be strangers stuck together for years to come.

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Scared of Friends

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I used to be like glue,
I’d attach to all I knew.
I would love and I would care
And fix all the problems there.

I used to be like glass,
Hard to see but easy to grasp.
I was what I appeared
And I didn’t feel fear.

Now I’m just tape,
I’m there but I’m away.
I’m scared of getting attached
Since people can still attack.

Now I’m just plastic,
Easy to see it and to mask it.
Scared to say what I want
Since people see it as a taunt.

I’m trapped inside myself,
For fear of being someone else.
Everything I used to say
Was always taken the wrong way.

Now I’m a wolf without a pack,
An Omega that looks back.
Surrounded by wolves everywhere
Wondering if they will care.

Now I’m a person without a heart,
Just afraid to make it start.
New people make me tense,
Since I’m Scared of Friends.

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Amenity Friend

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I make you smile
And I make you laugh.
I stay a while
When I lend my ear.

I’m not worth much
And I’m not that special.
You can feel my touch
When you’re close to tears.

I’m not always there,
And I’m not always bad.
Look at me as the spare
Friend you forgot to pack.

Just like a toothbrush
In your bathroom
You forget it in a rush,
So I’m the amenity friend.

I’m not the friend to keep,
I’m not the one to care about.
I’m just there when you’re weak
And your real friends are gone.

Not real enough to defend,
Because I’m the spare back-up.
I’m just an amenity friend,
There for your convenience.

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Camp Lee

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Pine trees high
And chilly winter snow
A cold, gentle breeze,
Where leaders grow.

Prints in the dirt
And varieties of good
All cabins made
From the same dark wood.

Bundled up warm
And hiding from cold
Soon to be leaders
Learning to be bold.

From Gold to Orange
And Green to Blue
They’ve all learned
To not judge you.

The recreational hall
Brings about tranquility
Even when new leaders
Show their vulnerability.

Up the mountain side
They went in the night
Only to be met with a
Wonderful starry sight.

A memorable weekend,
This they all agree
Never to be forgotten
Were the days at Camp Lee.

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Collection Of Gifts

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I have many ways to hunt, from using sweet to using sour.
I never go out to hunt, I never leave my tower.
I watch from my window, the souls below,
And wonder what makes them move so slow.
Every so often, I invite one inside.
After all, I have nothing to hide.
They give me a gift, just to start,
And I let them hold onto a Crystal Heart.
After sometime, my guest will leave, and with, he takes his gift to me.
I reclaim my Crystal back for myself,
And let it rest once more on my shelf.
Sometimes a guest will let it fall,
It gets some cracks but time fixes all.
There was a day I was so scared
That my Crystal could not be repaired,
But thankfully, and I mentioned before,
Time is always a working cure.

This one day I was caught by surprise,
I couldn’t even believe my eyes.
I spent a long time with a special guest,
But I was still in awe when he left.
Upon putting my Crystal in its space,
There was a new addition to my place.
My guest had forgotten to claim his gift,
But it was too heavy for me to lift.
So I left it there and didn’t know,
Soon I would have a collection to show.
I thought this was it, that was my belief,
In some way, I felt like a thief.
That present should not stay in my name,
Another might want to make that claim.
I left it there, since it wouldn’t budge,
For who was I to care to judge?

Along came a day I met another,
We lasted almost as long as the former.
When the time came for my guest to leave,
I reminded them of their gift to retrieve.
This guest was different, it was his intent,
To let me keep this one present.
For I was the one, this guest would say,
To keep that gift all night and day.
Hunting was something I’ve never tried,
I did not have the needed ego or pride,
But that didn’t change the obvious fact,
I had these gifts without need to act.

Time goes on, my collection is bigger,
Never once I had to pull a trigger.
These gifts are gifts that managed to stay,
Because somehow their owners gave them away.
I was their choice, their giftee, their one,
Though I often feel guilty their shelves have none.

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I See You

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All those times you sacrificed something you loved for me,
I know and understand that it wasn’t always so easy.
You took away from yourself so you had money to feed me,
And even though I’m all grow up now, I appreciate that greatly.
There may have been some times where I lost my direction,
But you were always there despite my current misdirection.
You’ve tried your best to protect me, from the world and from myself,
But no matter how hard you try, there will always be something else.
Life is made of challenges and opportunities to grow,
I see you and the way you love has never failed to show.
Your eyes often sparkle with some emotion I don’t comprehend,
If I ever find a name for it, I’m sure it might help me understand.
Despite my ignorance to your unconditional love,
I am grateful for everything, you do more than enough.
I see you in your passion and I see you in your soul,
I know I don’t see you the same but it isn’t part of my role.
Be there for me, and I will try to be there for you too,
Chances are sometimes I’ll fail, but always I see you.

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