When Plans Are Pointless

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Let’s plan everything. Let’s plan everything we can to make up for living a life full of unpredictabilities. Let’s budget all the finances and have an emergency fund. Let’s set aside specific goals that will help accomplish even bigger goals over time. Let’s write down every single cent spent. How about we plan when to move? When to get another job? When to start having kids? How to raise them? What to name them? Where we will go as a family? How about we plan everything we can because we’re exhausted from being dragged around everywhere? Let’s do that. Let’s have a plan for everything. Let’s have a plan for our careers, our lives, our hobbies, our finances. Oh yes, let’s plan for the fun things! Let’s schedule all of it. Let’s coordinate which days of the year are best for a vacation and try to match it with days that aren’t great for working to minimize the amount of money lost. Let’s make lists! Oh yes, let’s make lists for everything! Let’s make a to-do list to stay productive. We need a daily one, a weekly one, and one for things that need to be done whenever possible. We need one for our hobbies. What to get next, when to get it, where to find it. Let’s compare and contrast all of the pros and cons of every single decision we make, every relationship we maintain, and every feeling we feel. Let’s justify it all. Let’s give everything meaning because life so often feels like certain things are meaningless unless you make them meaningful. Let’s approve of plans that only affect us years from now. We don’t need them yet, but let’s have them there so we have a direction to face. We can modify the plans if something changes. Let’s plan for things… let’s plan for things together… if something goes wrong, we can just crumple up that piece of paper and start again… just to give the illusion that we have any form of control in life.

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Have You Changed?

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How do you know if you’ve changed?

Well, you can usually look back on who you were, think about what you would’ve done, and possibly even remember how you used to think. The only person that you need to be better than is yourself from the past, and as long as your present self is better, you are making progress, right? But what if there’s a moment you look back on yourself… And realize that this time, they are better than you? Then what? Then what do you do?

What do you do when you’re constantly filled with draining thoughts; when it feels like you’ve just been swallowing rocks your entire life and finally decide to jump into the water? Those rocks weigh you down… It isn’t because you jumped, it’s because of the rocks you had throughout your life… What do you do when you feel like jumping in the water? What do you do?

What do you do when you feel selfish and ungrateful? What do you do when you feel that people would rather have Past You instead of Present You? Is there anything to do?

Is there anything to do when you’re being reassured you’re not a problem, but circumstances clearly show that you are? What about your plans?

What if your plans are inconsistent with happiness? What if your two-year plan makes you a miserable person who wants to lay down in the middle of a busy road? What if your two-year plan makes you an unstable person who struggles to get out of bed every day in the morning? What if… What if…

What if the simple fact you feel these things makes you even more miserable? What if it makes you feel selfish and ungrateful and pessimistic? What if most of the time, people are smiling and being nice, but you break down the minute you hear a complaint? What if… What if…

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