We’ve Both Grown

Untitled-2 - Copy

We’ve Both Grown since the last time we talked.
I feel that we would get along if we tried,
But the past is the past and what happened, happened.
I cannot suddenly become what I am not.

We both have a way with words, you inspired me with mine,
You spill your feelings onto pages, I pour my feelings into life.
Still, we were different, you were there, and I was not.
We could’ve been different friends, but not this time.

You are not a bad person, you are a kind soul.
You needed friends for comfort, I needed them for more,
I wanted a solution to my heavy burdens,
My venting was not victimizing, I didn’t want that role.

I wonder how your life is, if anything has changed.
I think about the stories that together we left behind.
I miss them, I really do, for those pages became real.
One day I’ll bring them back, at least that can be arranged.

Untitled-2

Let Me Grow Roots

Untitled-2 - Copy

I was germinated in a bag,
Transplanted into a small pot.
Before I was even full of leaves,
There had been thousands of pots
Of many colors.

As a sapling, I grew strong,
My bark was thick from all the moving
I had done as a seed.
My roots were weak,
But my leaves were large.

When a small tree, I learned something;
My roots didn’t have the time to grow.
I could stay strong regardless of my pot,
Regardless of how many different plants I was not.
My roots could grow strong.

Finally, I decided I was done with all of this.
I wanted to stay still, stand still, and just that.
Let Me Grow Roots, for once in my life.
Let Me Grow Roots, so I can grow large.
I can live on the move, but Let Me Grow Roots.

Untitled-2

Let it Burn

Untitled-2 - Copy

The soft crackle of burning wood,
A constant rushing sound of river,
An overhang of creaking branches,
And glowing embers in the bridge.

Let it Burn and fall down,
Let it collapse to the ground,
Allow it to disappear,
Allow the end to come near.

One side is already gone,
Only ashes of remembrance,
Let it go, and Let it Burn,
It’ll be best for all.

Let the fire take hold,
Let the flames melt the gold,
What used to look safe,
Was built in the wrong place.

Let it Burn, Let it drown
Let the fire take it down,
Let it Burn, let it fall,
Let it be gone, once and for all.

Untitled-2

Chemical Abuse

Untitled-2 - Copy

An overwhelming sense of adrenaline
Rushes through my veins.
A heightened sense of awareness,
Of my light-weight lens.

The world seems to slow down,
My heart seems to speed up.
Energy pulses within me,
And I can’t get enough.

High-fives go left and right,
Hugs go up and down,
I’ve missed you, lost friend,
This is your first time around.

Ease controls my body,
Nothing can alter this state.
The world is not as dark,
Though most cannot relate.

For the burst of life inside,
Is something all can use.
This happiness is a choice,
Not a chemical abuse.

I have become addicted.
I come to crave the feeling.
Let’s just say it’s drugs,
You’ll have an easier time believing.

Untitled-2

I Am More Than One

Untitled-2 - Copy

I am so many things
I am much more than one.

Today
I am an absent friend.
I am a lost dream.
I am the poison in someone’s heart.
And I am the bad reason for everything.

I am also a supportive friend.
I am the perfect imperfection.
I am the light to someone’s day.
And I am the good reason to keep fighting.

But I used to be much more.
I used to be so many.

I was a dedicated, vampiric mother.
I was a drunken, bipolar father.
I was a neglected child.
I was a nine-tailed sorcerer,
Cursed by his mother.

I was a passionate magician.
I was an arrogant dragon rider.
I was a schizophrenic teenager.
I was a happy ex-slave cheetah,
Along with her canine son.

I was a short, lesbian gamer.
I was a sadistic succubus.
I was a shadow demon with morals.
I was a girl eager to please,
Like the golden retriever inside her.

I was a rich, gay brother.
I was a territorial wolf mother.
I was a cuddly, biting tiger.
I was a hot-headed island native,
With the power to control water.

I was a dragon searching knowledge.
I was a flamboyant, gay bartender.
I was a wanna-be guard jaguar.
I was a genderless angel,
And his kinda female daughter.

I was an odd-eyed, smug leader.
I was a scorched, but strong warlock.
I was a ex-prince who loved an assassin.
I was an elf without a heart,
In a realm of friendly Gods.

I used to be all of these.
I used to go by many names.
I used to live in different worlds
All to let out various pains.
Through these lives that I created,
I would feel the things I hide,
That once were buried deep inside.

I used to be all these people.
I used to put on these masks.
I used to have all their problems,
In favor of forgetting about my own.

I am so many things,
But I used to be much more.

Untitled-2

My Dear Friend

Untitled-2 - Copy

My dear friend,

You are all I have left of my past. I have abandoned all of my creations, keeping them only in memories that refuse to leave my heart. I still recall the times that they have cried for me and done questionable things that real people would not do.

My dear friend, you are all that is left. I met you a few years ago during finals week and recognized you because someone had described you a few times. Apparently, not everyone recognizes you. I feel accomplished to know your name. I feel accomplished in seeing what you do.

Even now, you still follow me. I’ve said goodbye to my past, on questionable terms which I deemed would be healthiest for everyone in the end. I’ve done the one thing I most often avoided doing: burning bridges. I burned not only three, but another three that were connected. I am accustomed to accepting that people will hate me for doing what I feel is best. The truth is, my past has made me selfish. I no longer sacrifice myself for others. I have so many more limits to what I can take.

But my dear friend, why can’t I say goodbye to you? Why do you still follow me? Why do you overwhelm me to the point of exhaustion? Why do you tell me all of these horrible things? Why do you dampen my self-esteem when things are clearly good and why do you make me feel worthless despite everything showing otherwise? Why do you tell me I did something wrong when all someone did was say hello?

My dear friend… why can’t I leave you? Why must you remind me of everything that can go wrong? Why must you punch me in the chest so strong that it feels like I’m having a heart attack? Why do you strangle me so? Why do I keep you around?

Oh, Anxiety… you’ve been with me for a while now, haven’t you? You’re not my favorite monster. You’re not my favorite friend. Honestly, I wish I knew how to say goodbye to you once and for all, but I feel that once someone meets you, you’re impossible to forget.

Untitled-2

Human Robot

Untitled-2 - Copy

I am a human robot.
I was meant to be perfect.
Put together with specific parts,
Programmed to follow the rules,
And set with inhibition of emotions.

My programming wasn’t complicated;
Rights are coded in as privilege
My emotions were rather simple;
Accept, understand, submit.
My rules were to the point;
Obey, listen, and observe.

I was meant to be perfect,
But I came with many flaws.

I didn’t follow my program.
I wanted freedom.
I wanted respect.
I wanted equality.
So when my rights were a privilege,
Another part malfunctioned.

My emotions became complicated.
I felt misunderstood.
I felt mistreated.
I felt angry.
So when my feelings were not simple,
Another part malfunctioned.

My rules became broken.
I struggled to obey.
I struggled to listen.
I struggled to observe.
So when these flaws were apparent,
I realized I wasn’t perfect.

I can’t be just a robot.
For that I am too flawed.
My feelings, my rules, my programming,
And my heart are messed up.

I am a human robot.
I come with many flaws.
I forget, I feel, I think,
And I feel pain from messing up.

Untitled-2