We’ve Both Grown

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We’ve Both Grown since the last time we talked.
I feel that we would get along if we tried,
But the past is the past and what happened, happened.
I cannot suddenly become what I am not.

We both have a way with words, you inspired me with mine,
You spill your feelings onto pages, I pour my feelings into life.
Still, we were different, you were there, and I was not.
We could’ve been different friends, but not this time.

You are not a bad person, you are a kind soul.
You needed friends for comfort, I needed them for more,
I wanted a solution to my heavy burdens,
My venting was not victimizing, I didn’t want that role.

I wonder how your life is, if anything has changed.
I think about the stories that together we left behind.
I miss them, I really do, for those pages became real.
One day I’ll bring them back, at least that can be arranged.


To Bring Pain is Painful

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Pain. I often pride myself in not feeling hate towards people or things, but I greatly dislike pain. I am used to the idea and feeling of suffering, as it makes me grow, however, I cringe at the knowledge that throughout life, I will cause many people pain.

The fact is that you cannot please everyone and be yourself at the same time. “A friend to all is a friend to none” was once said by Aristotle, and I cannot agree further with that. People come filled with a variety of good qualities and bad, and if you appeal to everyone’s good qualities, you are ignoring the times you appeal to someone’s bad qualities, meaning that in a way, you are never truly appealing to people at all. You are not a true friend if you are a friend to all. You must have standards.

With this, comes pain. When you cannot please someone, the best course of action is to often avoid contact, given that you don’t get along anyway. Sometimes it’s a little too late to realize that incompatibility is a thing, and other times you don’t realize because you don’t want to. Closing your eyes to something that has moments of happiness will not erase the memories of pain. It is during this moment, pulling away might cause pain, and I feel that is the one thing that I truly hate: Causing people pain.

I feel that I am comfortable with knowing that I will feel pain as well. That is normal. That is expected. Life is full of suffering in between all of its amazing moments, but there is suffering. Pretending to not see it just makes it harder. Others, however… It pains me to see others suffering. It tugs at my heart and makes my chest hurt. It squeezes my heart so tight that I can barely breathe sometimes with the mere thought of the pain someone else is going through, and it’s only worse when I know that I am the cause of that pain… a pain caused by self-preservation.

Following that, I avoid pain, not necessarily for myself, but for others. When possible, I do my best and I try my hardest to not hurt people. Unfortunately, sometimes, it looks like people just like being hurt…

If I could ever bring myself to hate anything, it would be to hate bringing bad feelings to others.


Where I Am Now

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Where I am now, I would not have been if I hadn’t gone through the hardships in life. Pain cannot be compared because what might be an anthill to one, could be a mountain to another. Perception is often responsible for how we see not only ourselves, but the people around us. Life isn’t made to be easy. Look at nature; animals constantly battle against the world to ensure they survive and make it as long as they can. Assuming life should be easy is what makes suffering worse. Suffering isn’t necessarily bad either; it’s a form of growth. When you suffer, you learn, you mature, you become a better version of yourself.

It might seem easy to dismiss all of this when you’re suffering, but do not let it deter you. Everything that you go through is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come. Do not harbor hate or anger in your heart for the people that have wronged or hurt you. Those feelings will do them no ill, and will do you harm. Let it go and if possible, realize that if you hadn’t gone through something, you wouldn’t get what you have now. Sometimes we only meet the people we do because we were hurt by people in the past. Had they not hurt us, we wouldn’t have changed our path. We wouldn’t be where we are now. We should be grateful for that.

Things happen all the time. That is life. As much as we want to stop time sometimes and relax and not have so many responsibilities, time is not something we have control of. Time is an ever-flowing, never stagnant element of life. It is something we cannot buy or get back once used or lost. The time you spent in the past getting hurt should be seen as growth, because it lets you better appreciate the good things in the present.

Try to see the world through different eyes. As Tony Robins says, life happens for you, not to you.


Empty Room With Familiar Faces

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Stepping down the hall,
Following past traces.
Walking into an Empty Room,
Full of familiar faces.

A wave from before,
Mixes with the after.
What used to be a family,
Torn in broken laughter.

The room fades away.
The voices drown out.
The only thing that remains,
Is the internal painful shout.

Smiles all around,
Blind to a hardening heart.
The empty room with faces,
Gradually turns it dark.

Different from outside,
Where there is no end,
The room casts a bubble,
That repels every known friend.

The sounds drain away,
As music fills the head.
Yet, the internal silence,
Is screaming louder instead.

Fading into the background,
Each face has a story.
A chapter from every one,
Each smile, just a memory.


When You Run Out of Blood

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When you run out of blood,
You content yourself with water.
You throw in some red dye,
To see if your body will bother.

It’s definitely not as thick,
And it doesn’t feel the same,
But your body allows red water
To run through your veins.

Throw in enough dye,
And you begin to feel okay.
This new water has managed
To find a way to stay.

It’s comforting, and it’s there,
You’re not empty inside.
You’re still filled with a red liquid,
You have nothing to hide.

Some people have bad blood,
Diseased, weak, and dark,
So you figure it’s okay that your blood
Ran out when you were born.



Buried in a Wishing Well

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There was a time that I feared being alone;
I feared the fact that I would be on my own.
One day I’d go away;
Lose my home,
Lose what’s “safe”,
Knowing that I’d have to part
With the place my life had to start.

I was told as a child that dreams come true.
Toss a coin into a wishing well was all I had to do.
So coin by coin, it seemed,
I tossed into the well,
What a child had dreamed.
If only I knew the cost
Of those dreams I lost.

I imagined that I would always have a piece of my home;
Carry it inside my heart no matter where my body would roam.
Those were dreams of a child,
That didn’t know the fact
That reality is often wild.
Now I wish that back then I had a way to tell,
My dreams would be Buried in a Wishing Well.

Today, I am afraid that I will never be alone;
Afraid that I will somehow not make it on my own.
One day, I’ll go away;
Find a new home,
Find my new “safe”,
But part of me will always be scared
My buried dreams won’t be repaired.


Charity While Browsing

Well, my fellow followers, I’m going to be very blunt here to spare some of you. If you don’t want to go out of your way, if you don’t like change, and if you don’t really give a damn about helping out the rest of the world, you have no need to read this post. I won’t be offended since I’m sure there are other ways to help the world and I understand this doesn’t go with everyone’s style. I’ll offer up a TLDR at the end anyway.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get started.

We all use the internet. If you’re reading this, you’re part of the vast network that is the interconnected web of the internet. At this point, we’re all just doing our own things on here, be it for work or leisure, convenience or knowledge, and so forth. I am a huge fan of helping out the world and there are two very specific browser extensions for Google Chrome and Firefox that let you browse and work towards a good cause. Let’s get started, shall we?

All you need to understand right now is that hearts are a visual representation of money earned through seeing specific ads. We all hate ads (unless you’re making money from them) and would rather not have to deal with them when possible. Tabs for a Cause and Goodblock both work together to maximize your impact in the world by merely browsing the internet.

Tabs for a Cause: I’ve been using this addon for well over a year now and I absolutely love it. Other than the extremely convenient New Tab Page that I get to customize (I have all my bookmarks on there), it only shows two itsy bitsy ads on the bottom corners. These tiny little ads give me one heart. Every time I open a new tab, I earn a heart, and they gradually begin to add up. Whenever I find fit, I can donate these hearts to essentially put the money I earned towards a specific cause I am fond of. Other than the fact you are essentially doing charity while merely browsing the web, you can login to your Tabs for a Cause account from any computer, adding hearts together and getting your bookmarks no matter where you are.

Goodblock: This is essentially a charitable version of Adblock, but a lot cooler. It blocks all annoying ads you don’t want to deal with while giving you the option to exclude adblocking for certain websites if needed. Every day, you’ll have a cute tiny butterfly pop up in the bottom left corner of your screen. If you click it, you get a well-thought out huge one page ad in a new tab that earns you ten hearts. I particularly love the fun facts I get whenever I do that. Same concept as Tabs for a Cause, you can donate these hearts towards charitable organizations to help out the world community. If you’re the competitive or completionist type, they recently added achievements to Goodblock so you can even have something to strive towards.

Charitable organizations that you can donate hearts to are: Human Rights Watch, Save The Children, Water.org, Action Against Hunger, Conservation International, Room To Read, Educate!, and The Foundation To Decrease Worldsuck.

The following links will take you to the extension page.

Tabs for a Cause: http://tab.gladly.io/?r=11096468
Goodblock: https://goodblock.gladly.io/?r=11957

TLDR; You browse the internet and these extensions for Google Chrome and Firefox allow you do to charity in the process.